I have a problem. I'm depressed. :( I keep taking my meds and thinking it will get better but so far, it just seems to be getting worse. I am a recluse. I hide out in my room most of the day. I sleep far too much. Really. I'm in a slump like I never thought I would be in. It's not like my previous bouts of depression. It's this deep, dark hole.
I'm looking for a therapist to hopefully be able to work thru it with. I know I need help. I can't seem to get out of bed til too late in the day. I go to bed usually by 11:30 pm. I toss and turn and toss some more. I finally get to sleep and slumber like forever. I wake up lots too. I think if I could sleep thru w/out the wakings, I'd be less depressed.
I want to see daylight. I want to do things with my hubby and daughter. I want to feel useful. But the more I sleep the more useless I feel. Like the world is passing me by. And I feel guilty because I am letting it pass me by. I reach out to stop it and it seems I can't reach far enough.
I feel unconnected to people nearby. Life is this gray mass. And yet... when I see members of my family outside my home, I find myself still hiding behind a mask of sunshine. I'm fine. See? I can smile. Nothing's wrong with me. It's a lie. I smile to throw you off. I jabber about nothing in particular to make you think I'm not depressed. I don't know how to stop this behaviour. It's been a part of me my whole life it seems. Smile. I'm ok. But I'm not.
Just wanted to let you know that inside, behind this mask of smiles, I am struggling to connect.
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5 comments:
i'm sorry for your suffering. i will pray for you.
I'm sorry to hear of your depression. I know how debilitating the depths of depression can be.
If there's anything I can do to help let me know.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
We love you. If I knew how to give an electronic hug I would. How is this?
O O
|<>|
^ ^
Love,
Wood & Woodine
Just thought I should tell you that wether youn feel like your facking or not, if your sunshine and roses or if you are grey skies we all love you very much and want you to feel good about yourself. I know that depression is really hard but I also know that (atleast for me) when I admit it and start talking about it to other people I also start to feel a lot better. My thoughts and prayters are with you. Remember that we love you.
:)
Catherine
Hey, you are not alone. A lot of people feel that way! Trick still struggles and I believe it will always be a challenge. But you do need to take care of yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT! So, I am glad you are reaching out for help. Of course we will keep you in our prayers.
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